Getting Personal – The Basics of Personal Essay Writing

In case you missed it in the write on! online  site a few months back, here's a repeat. Enjoy!

We all have them-- the stories we tell over and over to explain who we are and where we came from. Your husband has probably heard the story behind the funny shaped scar on your knee enough times to tell it himself. Your grandparents will continue to tell you what a Great Depression is like until they are sure you get it. And Ted will still be telling his kids How He Met Their Mother for a few more seasons, anyway.

As a writer, you can transform your stories into personal essays for anthologies, magazines, journals, and more. It just takes another look at the advice we take for granted.

Write What You Know

Yes, you've heard it, over and over again. This mantra is overused for a reason: any type of writing begins with you, the writer. No matter the genre, your experiences and thoughts are sifted through, and the nuggets of gold you find make it to the page. This is especially true with personal essays.

When you start with the virtually endless potential of "what you know" there is no place for the excuse "nothing to write about". Just the act of being alive gives you unlimited material. Take a look at just a few of the things we all share, the universal themes that you can turn into your unique story:

• Family. You came from one, you've created one, maybe you've even lost one. Whatever the case, there have been other people who have formed your "tribe". Your family stories -- whether you succeeded because of them, or in spite of them; the laughter and the tears you shared; even if you questioned your place with them; or have searched for one of your own -- are full of gems that can be picked out and polished to share with others.
• Discovery. Life is full of Firsts: First Pet, First Kiss, First Car. First Marriage. First Divorce. Relive those moments that alter your perception of the world forever, just because they HAPPENED. Write about the knowledge you gained about yourself, someone else, the world.
• Struggle/Accomplishment. Some of you aim to climb mountains, some of you have days when your biggest success is just getting out of bed. Readers are drawn to these stories for inspiration-- if your words have captured how you overcame an obstacle,your story could be the motivation a reader is looking for. If your story finds you in the midst of a struggle, a reader with similar challenges may find they are not alone.
• Endings. All life has a beginning and an end. Your take on loss-- whether it's lost keys, lost mind, lost love-- becomes uniquely universal. Write about losses that lead to beginnings. Write about losses that left you empty.

Show, Don't Tell

I know, I know-- yet another axiom that is drilled into the writer's head. However, it bears repeating for personal essay writing, because when you are dealing with universal themes you need to avoid universal cliches. Here are a few things to keep in mind when creating an uncommon story from a common experience:

• Stay focused on a theme. This isn't something that you will write into your piece. Rather, it is something that you will keep in your mind as you write. You may even scribble it onto the top of your rough draft.
• Discovering Theme: Your essays will tell about events that impacted your life. To create a theme from that, identify the event and the specific way it changed your world. For example, if you are drawn to write about your first car, ask yourself why that car mattered, in the grand scheme of things: Did ownership teach you responsibility? Did driving it to school attract your true love?
• A personal essay is a story about your life. So, tell it as a story; the beginning, middle and end will all echo the cause and effect of your "hidden" theme. If you learned responsibility from owning your first car, you may start off talking about the number of bikes you misplaced before you bought the car. You may continue talking about your parents forcing you into a part time job in order to pay for the insurance. The end of the story could show you changing your own oil, checking your locks obsessively, etc.

Keep it Simple

Your life probably isn't very simple. Nobody's really is. The situations and circumstance that have mixed to create who you are didn't happen in a linear, straightforward fashion. Explore all the ingredients of your life, but when writing the short personal essay, allow your focus to stick on the narrative that best relates to your theme. If you find you are uncovering more and more threads leading to more stories, write them; eventually, you may decide you have enough angles on specific themes that it is time to start a memoir!

Write, Submit, Repeat

When you get your collection of fantastic personal essays, what should you do? You may want to keep them for yourself, but more likely you want to get them published. The struggle comes in pinpointing the markets, and knowing whether you have what they are looking for. There's a fine line, and a running debate, as to what is short memoir and what is personal essay; so when reading submission guidelines you may have to take an extra step or two to make sure your piece reflects the market's needs.

Here are a few markets to get you started:

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Cup of Comfort

Memoir (and)

Narrative

Redbook

Good Old Days

Good Housekeeping

NPR's This I Believe

Happy Writing!

What do you find easier to write? Fiction or Nonfiction? How much of what you write is "all about you", regardless of genre?

The Writer in the Mirror

As the Excuse Editor, it's my responsibility to uncover different excuses writers use for missing their writing goals. "Fortunately", I don't have to spend hours researching this topic; most of the material I need is readily available.

I just have to look in the mirror...

***

For writers, how you decide to tackle your next writing project may depend on the kind of mirror used.

The Fun-House Mirror

Everything about your writing seems WRONG. Your characters are so thin they could never be mistaken for being truly alive. Your setting is a blur. Your dialogue is fat and rambling. Those finishing touches meant to accessorize and complement are just distracting from your story's true beauty. None of this is what you were expecting to see.

Take another look:

Just by shifting perspective, the image changes. Turn the mirror to create more depth in your characters. What comes into focus? Were they "thin" because you hadn't given them any substance? Add some physical description, give them intriguing habits, expand on their past. Take a step back from your blob of dialogue and your blurry setting. What was your character trying to say? Possibly, the weight of the words was necessary. Concentrate on making each word count before shaking the mirror to let words loose. As you walk by this mirror, notice how the setting ebbs and flows from the foreground to an almost unrecognizable mess behind the scenes. Depending on the part of the story, this type of shifting is necessary. Let your setting travel along with the reader on the journey, popping up crisp and clear to let them know where they are, then settling into their memory as your action takes center stage.

Magnifying Mirror

As scary as these mirrors are, they serve a purpose. There are many types: your writer's group, your editor, your book sales...All force you to scrutinize every little detail of your writing life. By emphasizing all angles of your writing, things once overlooked can no longer be ignored. These mirrors spotlight issues such as your passive voice, your dropped plot line, your commitment to marketing.

Take another look:

Even when everything looks great on the surface, looking deeper will reveal an opportunity for improvement. Take these mirrors out when your work needs precise focus. When your story is just about to step onto the stage, you need to make sure it is ready for a close-up. Your writer's group mirror is likely to be much more forgiving than a contest judge; be prepared! An increase in book sales could be highlighting your recent efforts--a blog tour or other networking, perhaps. Seeing the numbers in front of you allows you to see what's working.

Two-way mirror

As a writer, you can only see the reflection of your own writing, you are oblivious to the audience looking in at you and your work. They are usually unseen to you, once your writing goes out into the world. You don't know what your audience is doing when they come upon your newest story, essay, article, or blog. You can't see the expression on their faces when they read that hard-won turn of phrase. The very nature of the reader allows them to make judgments and decisions about you and your creations without any further input from you. Once your work is out there, it becomes something else in the eyes of a "stranger." After all, when you look into this mirror, all you see is you. But, they don't see a mirror at all. They see a window... into your soul.

Take another look:

Assume that every submission, every reading of your work comes with one of these mirrors. Do what you can to get the right people on the other side of that glass. Define your audience. Know who they are, and then market directly to them by submitting to publications that publish writing similar to yours and becoming part of their "tribes", and create your own. This way, even when you are left only seeing your version of the story, you can be more confident that the readers looking in will like what they see.

Make sure your writing strikes a little pose in front of the mirror this week. Let it have a little diva attitude as it gets ready for a night on the town...

Writin' it "Old School"

We've been telling stories since we learned how to talk, and writing them since we could scratch meaningful symbols into the sand. Well, maybe you've never written a love letter in the sand (Ha! Back in the Day Skid Row reference), but when I say "we", I mean the big "We"--the Human "Us".

This communication has been around for quite a while, but sometimes, especially when we find ourselves "blocked" we feel we don't have a handle on it. You know, we can send a man to the moon (or at least space, if you are one of those who believes that story is fiction), but we can't assemble the correct technology to get our novels from point A to point B without tearing our collective hairs out.

What is the problem? We  have the best and fastest computers, we've  bookmarked links to hundreds of helpful writer's sites, we've even purchased the best novel-screenplay-poetry-essay building software available. We ask all the best questions in writer's chatrooms, and listen to webinars certain to make us a "Best-Selling Authors". And even with all this help, our work barely crawls into the light, still weary and malnourished. With such hi-tech abundance, how could our writing be falling short?

The Problem: Hi-Tech Clutter

Your writing mind has been polluted by excess and distraction. Learning to focus has always been a challenge for the writer, but never before has a writer been expected to participate in the very things that disrupt the writing process, at least, not to this extreme.

Writers can lose themselves in stacks of research without leaving their desks. This wouldn't be so bad, except when the research is initiated mid-paragraph. Will the original thought still be there when you return from your "trip around the world in 50 clicks"? Maybe not. Your Facebook news feed is full of helpful links to help you write. Maybe there will still be time to write once you've read them all. Even outside of the World Wide Web, your grammar check keeps underlying your short, purposefully fragmented (to show tension) sentences, and you have to keep consoling it: yes, it's ok to ignore, just this once, I promise.

Excuse Editor Tip: Unplug

If closing your Email and Web windows is not enough, maybe you need to climb out an actual window with a notebook and pen and get back to basics. That includes leaving your usual writing space, and your usual distractions. Sure it is kinda cute when your cat jumps up on your keyboard. The first time. If you step away from your grammar/spell checker, that's two less editors you have to deal with (if you are already fighting your own inner editor, they just create extra noise). Besides, that little Grammarian in the Machine doesn't always act on common sense. (During a recent edit, I was encouraged to change the question, "What will the rent be" to "What will the rent are".) Better to go with your creative gut, especially for first drafts. For first edits, having a printout to mark up can bring you more in touch with your work than looking at it on a screen.

A vacation away from flat world of technology will rejuvenate you. It will train you to focus on just the writing, since you had spent time with nothing but your writing before you. Later, when you start to get linked, chatted, tweeted, and you-tubed to death--you can close your eyes and bring yourself back to a simpler time, when it was just you and your notebook. This will give you the strength to close all of those windows letting in problematic drafts, and savor the cleansing breeze of the One project you've chosen for right now.


Of course, I'm not saying that all technology is bad, but just that we need to take a look at, and step back now and then to see how it may be holding us back as writers. We can find and send information in matter of seconds, but is that a way to consume all of our learning and sharing? It's like the difference between Fast Food and a patiently, thoughtfully prepared home-cooked meal: the former satisfies you for the time being, but if you don't allow yourself the latter, your nourishment is lacking.

This week, "unplug" and nourish your creativity with a visit to nature, whether it is a park bench for a few paragraphs, or a long hike to inspire you later. Notice how different your writing feels away from the square boxes...


Another time to Turn Off: before you Turn In: For the Healthy Writer: The Key to Falling Asleep Faster
Click, Click, Click. It's not just changing writers: The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains
Learn Julia Cameron's basic tools. From The Artist's Way.

Don't Let Writing Excuses Accumulate

You are probably familiar with "hoarders". Those are the people who have buried themselves under mountains of stuff, and are so sure that they need this stuff to survive, they cannot find a way to stop.

Now I certainly have no expertise on the psychological ramifications of hoarders, but while watching a recent episode of Buried Alive, I was struck by the excuses hoarders make for not changing their lives. Their rationale was similar to the people who say they have a drive to write but never shift out of neutral.

Piles upon Piles

For the writer, what at first seems like a tiny setback or two can build up if not tended to over time. Seven days of making the excuse that you cannot find 30 minutes in the day to write piles up to over 3 hours of lost writing time. Where did it go? Somewhere under that pile of excuses, apparently. The Writer's Blocks you've been claiming for weeks have now stacked on top of each other, cutting off the path to your next scene. You have been grasping on to phrases like: "my plot isn't working", "I no longer know my characters", and "I need some inspiration"so tightly that when you go looking for your plot, your characters, or your inspiration, the life is almost sucked from them completely.

Dig yourself out

The Hoarders did not get that way overnight. So it is natural that to fix the problem (even with the magic of television) takes some time. But, they have to start somewhere.

If you've become a Writing Excuse Hoarder, it may take some maneuvering to uncover yourself and your writing again. In doing so, your change may be more likely to stick, rather than just shifting your priorities until the next attack of Excuses.

Take a look at your Excuse Pile. Pick one out. Ask yourself, "Do I Love It?" More than likely, there is a resounding no coming from your lips. That's all you need to know. Toss it. Is there anything lovable about barriers to your dreams, or, to a paycheck?

Well, maybe. Do you love living up to the tortured artist persona? Would you rather act like a struggling writer than struggle to write? Or have you been living with those excuses for so long that they have become your normal? Just like the hoarders can't imagine parting with unnecessary things, a writer may be attached to their excuses as if they were precious heirlooms.

Examine more excuses. To decide whether to hold on to them ask, "Will I use it?" They are already serving a purpose, to shift your attention away from your writing. But are you using the excuse for something else? If you are telling yourself you can't write at night, is this a truth, or is it so you don't miss your favorite TV shows? Really want to hold on to those? Fine, then realize that your original excuse does not exist--you can write at night, you have chosen to do something else. If you continue to collect the trinkets of "something else", those trinkets collect dust all over your potential writing.

The most important step is to begin. Even if your excuses are only causing a slight disorder now, they can pile up and get in your way. If you allow yourself to get to the point where everywhere you turn you see another excuse, you will avoid making any decisions about your writing. Your energy will be spent supporting the excuses, instead of tapping into your inspiration.

This week, practice ignoring the disruptive Excuse Hoarder in your mind. Picture yourself turning your back on it and closing a door, leaving it to deal with its own mess. Your writing doesn't live in that world; your writing has an unencumbered life of its own, and it is ready to run free in the wide, empty pages.

Who's Afraid of Simon Cowell? Tips for Embracing Criticism

He's tough, brutal and sometimes downright mean, but I think singers with stars in their eyes will miss the unflinching honesty of Simon Cowell on American Idol. Even if you've never watched a full episode of the long running show, you know about Simon. Sound bites and clips of his biting commentary makes us cringe.

And sometimes laugh.

Until we start thinking, what if that was me?

Today's Excuse: I am too sensitive to have my writing criticized.

Public speaking is said to cause more fear in the average person's heart that the thought of death itself. One of the oldest tools to conquer the nervousness associated with speaking in front of a group is to imagine them naked. The irony? When you are sharing your ideas in front of others, it is you who is stripped naked, so to speak. You are no longer safe behind the walls of your inner thoughts, now you are exposing who you are. And it feels a bit drafty.

It's not much different with writing. Your imagination, creativity, and skill are waiting to be discovered, quietly disguised as words on a page. Allowing someone to lift the mask and critique your abilities can leave you raw, especially if you are "lucky" enough to have a Simon in your world.

Excuse Editor Tip: Tough Criticism Shows Your Excuses the Door

• Honest Criticism--If you survive a bout of honesty regarding shortfalls in your writing, you can no longer use the excuse that you don't know how to do it better. You can no longer lean on the excuse that your work is not selling even though you, your best friend and your mother think it's great. That is why American Idol contestants smiled and nodded hearing the encouraging words from the "nicer" judges, but held their breath in anticipation of Simon. No sugar coating for his medicine. If you take the same kind of medicine correctly,  your writing will get better.

• Nasty Criticism--Sometimes Simon's comments went too far; instead of helping the contestant, it seemed like he was belittling them. You may get some of this, too. Constructive feedback is the kind you can learn from, while negative comments without anything to back them up just hurt. Facing these attacks often enough makes you stronger and no longer able to hide behind the excuse of being too sensitive. Take a big breath in when this happens, and let it go. You are still alive, still breathing, and your pens still work. You've built up some tolerance to hurtful comments. As a writer, you know the power of words, but you can choose to deflect certain ones to a better direction.

As you allow yourself to share more, you will learn to tell the helpful from the hurtful, the constructive from the destructive. You'll leave the scary criticism battlefield more prepared for the future and less encumbered by the excuses that were holding you back.

How have you dealt with criticism? Have you learned what is honest and what is not? If you are in a writing group, are their rules for giving feedback?

Writing Markets and Contests--A Whole 'Scoop'-full

The Newest Scoop is blasting through cyberspace and into your inbox right now if you are subscribed to the Excuse Editor Newsletter (if you are not, sign up here). 

There are some unique opportunities, including a chance to get your photograph taken by a famous photographer, a no-fee novel contest  with a self-publishing package prize, and  a contest with over 50 CATegories (the entires all have a 'cat' theme).

A few ideas on using the Scoop:

• Determine if you have something already complete that meets the guidelines, or comes close.
• If it meets all guidelines (genre, word count, etc.) and has no entry fee, SUBMIT! You have nothing to lose.
• If if meets all guidelines and has an entry fee, SUBMIT ONLY IF you feel confident in your work and you can afford the fee (see this post for more thoughts).
• If you have a work that is ALMOST PERFECT for one of the markets, spend some time getting it closer (always adhere to word count and genre guidelines). You may be able to cut a few words off the 1500 word piece to make it fit a 1200 word guideline, for example.
• Do you have already published work (that you own the rights to) that you could submit? Or could something be changed just a bit to fit the market? This is a great way to get more out of the work you have already done.
• Determine if you have enough time to write to a call for submissions.
• Some contests are for short pieces. These are not necessarily easier to write (because of the precision shorter pieces require, the editing takes the bulk of the time) but you still may be able to write for something that is only a few days away, if you put in the effort.
• Some contests use prompts. All the entrants are put on a more level playing field, as they all have limited time to write to what the contest is asking for.
• If you choose a contest that has a deadline months away, set weekly goals. If you can get it done early, do it! Stand out from the pack that wait for the very last minute to submit (me).  I keep deadlines for contests/markets that are months away in the Scoop Listing until the deadline has passed because I found that I sometimes forgot that I wanted to write to it when new opportunities came up.

Good Luck! And Happy Writing!

What kinds of contests and markets are you drawn to (specific genres, categories, etc)? Do you prefer to write, then search the market, or the other way around? Or, do you find the whole thing a bit confusing? If so, what would help?

Writing Basics getting lost behind all the Buzzing (with bonus buzzing tips)

I spent the last few days drifting in and out of the SPOC (Self Publisher's Online Conference). As with the last conference I attended (OWFI) I couldn't help but leave ready to write, succeed, publish--even Start an Empire. (see day 3)

And then, this morning, I woke up.

I mulled over all I've been learning and relearning. I love it all-- learning about writing, learning about marketing, hearing the different perspectives. But how much is too much? I figure if all of the hours I've spent teaching myself-- by reading books, magazines, blogs and attending workshops--were added up, I'd be pretty close to an MFA or Masters in Marketing by now.

Just like getting my real degree (B.S. In Human Communication*/minor in Business**) didn't come with instant success in life, learning all of this writing/marketing information does me no good if I don't act on it.

So, that's a plan.

Act on it.

Except...

It can be OVERWHELMING.

I'm appreciative that I've learned so much. I feel confident passing on advice when asked. My toolbox is full of helpful implements and gadgets that will propel the next Big Idea into the world. However, all of the tools are not hung neatly on their own little hooks in the garage of my mind. I know exactly where to go if I need to find one, especially for someone else.*** But still, they are scattered all around in hastily assembled piles and I'm tripping over them when trying to decide what to focus on next.

For example, here are some of the Most Important Ways to Create a Buzz about your writing from the last few weeks:

• Blog  
• Be active on Facebook 
• Be active on Twitter 
• Be active on Squidoo 
• Get your stuff on Kindle 
• Generate a big E-mail list 
• Give away something for free 
• Do not give anything away for free 
• Comment on other blogs 
• after you know which blogs have good traffic 
• Guest post on other blogs 
• Ask for guest posts for your blog 
• Consistently Hustle your work 
• Don't sell, just let people know you as a person 
• It's all about: Platform, platform, platform
• Speak in public 
• Teach others 
• Create Passive Income 
• Don't focus on the money 
• And, above all, write the best work that you can  

That last one--it should be first. And yet, more than 80% of what is stuffed into my brain these days seems to be about the marketing. So instead of concentrating on the writing, I often find myself wandering around the tools, examining this one, discarding that, trying to decide which one to use next. In the meantime, my novel gathers dust, the notes for my memoir don't get expanded on, the short pieces I planned to write for contests or other submissions get set aside and deadlines pass.

Yes, I realize that writing IS a business. But even in that sentence, writing comes first.

It is easy to see why some beginning writers drop out before they even finish their first work. They are just trying to get their first draft done, and get a little help from a conference or workshop, and they're bombarded with all of the marketing tools. Suddenly, they are too distracted trying to keep up with their Necessary Blog or their Very Important Tweets that they can't remember where they left their characters.****

Yes, work on getting known before your book comes out. Pick a few manageable tools to work with, then concentrate on your writing. Don't try and do it all at once. As your writing, editing, fine-tuning, and publishing start coming together, you can begin to take on a few more of the marketing tasks as they make sense. With practice, you will learn to juggle a few of those tools at a time. And you'll be ready to stop juggling each day to work on the thing that started the juggling in the first place. The writing.

------ 

* Yes, that is kind of funny when you think about it--didn't someone think about the acronym more closely? I mean, I took statistics in order to get that "science" part of my bachelor degree designation, and yet, the whole B.S. Label makes my degree sound like something I made up, or that I mastered the art of B.S.-ing. "B.S. In Human Communication? So, you learned that people talk to each other. Duh. I could've told you that, without the student loans."

**I liked school so much, I felt guilty for taking just the fun and interesting stuff and thought it important to learn how "real jobs" work, because I was sure I was going to have to get one someday.

*** My house is miles away from organized, and yet if my hubby asks me where that one scrap of paper is that he scribbled some nonsense (probably guitar chords or something) on last Tuesday, I somehow know exactly where it is.

****When I started this blog, my main character was leaning over a bathroom sink in a fast food joint, rinsing Sun-In out of her hair. I left her there for 2 months. Ouch.

   

Do you find some of the tools helpful (for example, does your blog keep you writing on the days you don't feel like it, does posting your writing goals on Facebook keep you motivated)? Does all the pressure to "buzz" about your writing take away from the reason you started writing in the first place? Do you know what that reason is?