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B is for Boy-Crazy (#AtoZChallenge)

My life, especially my early life, was filled with a fair amount of ups and downs, twists and turns, laughter and pain. As a memoirist, you would think that having a running record of my life--a first-hand account written by me since I was nine years old would be super helpful.

Nope. 

Did I write about when I had a chance to sing a solo in three different schools in 4th grade? Did I talk about the anticipation, the fear, the total let down when I knew that the audience at the school without microphones could not hear me at all? Maybe a quick line in passing, but my focus was elsewhere.

When my uncle Johnny first turned up missing, I remember spending hours sitting at the kitchen table with my mom and grandma, as they tried to be like amateur detectives and "work the case." But all of those conversations, all the grief I felt that the uncle who used to send me pictures of rainbows may be dead, and everything that went into trying to find out what happened--no record in my pink fabric covered diary or in the diary with the mini-combination lock on it that followed. I mentioned it, a few times. But, when I think back about how much Johnny's disappearance meant to me and my family, my record seems lacking.

As a matter of fact, part of me feels like the only thing I thought that was important for way too many years was Boys.

Who did I have a crush on?
Who liked me?
Who liked my friends?
When was somebody going to ask me to go with them?
Why is it called that when nobody goes anywhere?
What if nobody likes me?
What if the wrong boy likes me?

And on and on and on. 

I'm really not sure if boys worried about this immature coupling as much as me and my girl friends seemed to. It seemed as if 'going with' someone was something else they did on the side, like riding their bikes or playing video games. To us girls, sometimes being coupled felt like life or death, whether the time was right or not (I wrote about this in my Chicken Soup for Middle School story-- a story that, true to form, I didn't write much about in my diary either. Sad.).

I've moved away from beating myself up about it, though. The fact that I focused so much on boys rather than some of the other things going on in my life then might be part of the story. 

And that's why I keep writing now. To find out.

Do you wish you had a better record of your past to use in your writing? Did you keep a diary? Leave a comment, let's chat!

Comments

  1. It sounds like my elementary, middle school, and high school journals sound very similar. No extolling about life, no insightfulness, no real family stories... just boys, boys boys. The only thing we can do at this point is look ahead!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True! Well... mostly. I'm a memoir writer, so I still have to look behind, too!

      Delete
  2. I've never kept a journal but I suspect if I had, looking back on it would be a similar experience. I think priorities change as we get older
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha! I can definitely relate. One of my journals has been falling apart so I've been transcribing it to another journal of mine. I've been going through the earlier entries going "why oh WHY?" and so now, I'm definitely making an effort to spend the rest of high school writing down things that are actually interesting rather than what boy I have a crush on. XD

    ReplyDelete

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